Since the article described me to a "T", I thought I'd show it to my husband at the time to give him some insight. The response I got after he read it was "that's not a spouse". So then comes the thoughts of I've done something wrong. Being who I am is wrong. I'm not relationship material and certainly not marriage material.
Basically, "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me". 🙋🏻♀️ (I will use ANY opportunity to inject Taylor Swift into this blog).
Jump forward to this summer when a friend asked me this question........."what is your superpower"?
The answer I gave was empathy. It's not a flaw, or a mistake, or a shortcoming, a defect or a fail. Empathy is my super power.
Empathy helps you understand others more and allows you to connect with them differently. This builds our resilience - the ability to bounce back after challenges.
As a rule, I think people hear the word empath and think it's a made up term to describe someone who's too sensitive.
It's actually putting yourself in someone else's shoes and feeling how they feel. It's a blessing and curse and can suck the life out of you. Sometimes you need time to reset.
By reset, I mean spend some time alone and clear your mind and unplug from it all. I have used hiking to do that quite a bit. I've done some long solo hikes and long solo days at the beach just to feel rested mentally and emotionally. Take yourself out for a day and do the things that bring you joy. After all, you will be spending the rest of your life with yourself. You might as well treat yourself right and enjoy your own company! Be you own best friend. You're pretty cool to hang you with you know!
It's important to know that spending time with yourself and doing things for yourself is absolutely 100% acceptable. You do not have to answer to anyone about it either.
My thoughts on the term or label of "empath" are mixed. I think it is a thing, but I feel like people run away with it a little too much sometimes. Like "I have ESP, or I have special powers". I just think it's referring to people who have BIG feelings, have a natural and strong ability to put themselves in other's shoes, and have a very strong intuition. They are very good at reading people also.
Maybe they're born with it, maybe its Maybelline. 🤷🏻♀️
Empathy, according to Merriaim-Webster is "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another."
Empathy is a blessing. It's a blessing to be able to feel for others and put yourself in their shoes because you're seeing the world from more than just your perspective. It's the glue that holds relationships together. When you can understand other's emotions and perspectives, they feel validated, it builds trust, helps healing and leads to greater relationships and happiness.
Empathy is a curse. It's a curse at times because you can experience emotional overload, take on others feelings or "problems" and feel as though you need to fix them. You have to be able to separate your feelings from the feelings of others and figure out which ones are yours and which ones are not. That can be a challenge at times. Empathy can also be a curse just because it becomes heavy at times. I have found myself saying that I wish I didn't have empathy so I wouldn't give a shit sometimes. Somedays I just don't want to give a shit, but I always do. It's who I am. But sometimes I want a day off from being this way. Ever want to just not give a hoot?
So I guess you could say I'm an Empath..........or not. Who knows and who cares? What I do know is I am a good person and was a good spouse. Being who I am and feeling the way I feel does not make me a bad spouse or person. It actually makes me amazing!
So you go ahead and be your authentic self too and keep being amazing! Fuck em'.
"Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It's simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of 'You're not alone'." - Brene Brown
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