We are not supposed to talk about our feelings, let alone deal with them. Fuck that. Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Shall we?
I didn't deal with my feelings or sit in them or really acknowledge them until I was 50 years old. By the way, it's NEVER too late to deal with this stuff. Being the person you want to be is a lifelong work in progress and may also change several times. It's ongoing. It's never too late to look in the mirror, find out why you are the way you are, and make changes for the better.
They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
For me, the insanity was continuing negative self talk, not setting boundaries and having low self worth/esteem. I also put up with behavior from others that did not serve me or make me happy. It actually took from me...THAT was insanity. If you don't do something to change the way you feel, you will continue to do the same things you've been doing (which are not working or bringing you joy). You will continue to bleed into others that don't deserve it. If you bring all those bad/negative things to the next relationship, friendship, or whatever it may be, it will be doomed for failure.
We need to deal with our feelings. What I mean by dealing with our feelings is that we need to acknowledge them, identify them, decide what we can do about them, and finally find a way to let go of the ones that aren't doing us any good.
Ignoring our feelings or pushing them down and not dealing with them will cause us to keep on doing the same thing or attracting the same things or people (negativity, narcissistic partners, bad friends etc).
It's okay to sit in your feelings for a bit while you work them out, but not too long. Sit in the feelings long enough to process them out. That's it. No perseverating on them, obsessing about them, overthinking them or dwelling on them. Get in there with them, then get out. While sitting in your feelings, it's okay to be sad, cry for as long as it takes, be mad, be emotional, be hurt, be disappointed, be annoyed or whatever it is that you're feeling. Don't live there though. Although there is no set time limit for how long this process takes, be sure to take action at some point. Only you will know when it's time.
One of the first things I did was start writing. Write your feelings down. Write how or what you feel. Write why you feel this way. Write what you can do about it. Give yourself permission to feel this way and give yourself some grace for feeling this way. Then give yourself permission to let it go. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process and release them. It can be a great way to gain clarity and insight into your emotions.
Say it out loud to yourself or in the mirror vs. writing, but get it out somehow. I find that looking at the words or hearing the way I'm feeling and WHY (out loud), helps me see the whole picture.
Sometimes, after you let things go, they can and most likely will find their way back to your thoughts/heart. That mind of yours is always trying to kick your ass when you're not looking. Sigh...
When you find yourself thinking about it again or feeling that way, catch yourself. Tell yourself you already let that go, so there is nothing to think about or feel about this anymore. You've let that go. Repeat as many times as you need to. Don't allow the past to continue to occupy any of your time if you've already let those thoughts and feelings go.
Change YOUR narrative. Retrain your mind. Re-write your story. Leave the past and any bad feelings it has brought to you right where it is - behind you. Look forward and move forward - the only direction you need to go.
If you surround yourself with positivity you will think and behave positively. Believe this. It is absolutely true.
At the same time, if you surround yourself with negativity, you will think and behave negatively. And that is EXACTLY what you will attract. We get more of what we focus on.
We control our own lives. We are in charge of our own destiny. Nobody can make these changes in our mind but US. As I said in my last blog, it's work. It's always going to be work. Embrace it.
Think about what conversations you are having in your head. Who and what are you listening to? Remember, your thoughts are not truths! I'll say that again......................
THOUGHTS ARE NOT TRUTHS.
Change your environment if warranted. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with positive people. Think positive thoughts and challenge negative ones. Shift your focus.
Teach yourself to be present. Get off your phone. Get off social media for a bit. Social media can cause you to have negative thoughts and also negative self talk. Take a break if you need to. You won't miss it. I promise! At a minimum, "snooze" the people that bring negativity to your feed.
Work on personal growth. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Google articles on personal growth.
Treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion. Don't be too hard on yourself. Letting go is a process that takes time and patience and work. I have a tattoo on my forearm that says "Be Kind". It's a reminder to me to be kind to myself. The tattoo is not facing out so others can see it. It's facing me. I still need a constant reminder!
Speaking to a therapist or counselor can be helpful in processing or letting go of feelings, past traumas and emotional baggage.
Forgiveness is a very powerful tool for letting go. Carrying around grudges or resentment can be a heavy burden. Mel Robbins said: "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace". Amen my sister!
Get out there and exercise! Go for a walk, hike, run or bike. Go to the gym, do some weight training, join a kickboxing class, etc. Move your body. Release those endorphins. Improve your mood and set yourself up to think positively.
Clean up! Decluttering your physical environment can be symbolic of letting go. It can also reduce stress and make it easier to focus on what's important.
One thing I did almost everyday for the past couple of years and am still doing quite often is talking to friends about my feelings and seeking their support. This is instrumental in the processing and letting go of feelings.
I'm writing about this stuff because I've done it and used these tools personally. If I can do it, you can too. I know it is WORK, and it's not exactly fun, but with the right focus and a little bit of consistency you can put this stuff behind you for good. And on occasion, when it pops back up then just sit in it for a minute...just don't sit too long. 😉
There will be days that you JUST don't wanna do it. Fucking do it anyway. DO IT ANYWAY!
"A mindset will not change the shitty situation you're in. A positive mindset changes YOU, which changes your ability to deal with the shitty situation that you're in". - Mel Robbins
So insightful. Thank you for sharing your truth and wisdom, Wendy!
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