Her palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on her sweater already, Bob's spaghetti
She's nervous, but on the surface, she looks calm and ready...........................
Bahahahahahahahaha! If you know, you know.
No, seriously though, my palms were sweaty as heck!
It's not everyday you get asked to speak on stage in front of a crowd about your life experiences (both good and bad), and how they molded you into the person you are today. We were to tell our story, and how it helped us become strong, resilient, inspirational, bad ass women. Sounds pretty easy! Any chance to uplift and empower women is an immediate "heeeellllll yyyeeaaaahhh" for me. Wendy 2.0 is excited to be part of this amazing event!
Wendy 1.0 is lurking the darkness, ready to fuck up my shit.
The creator of the event (Motivate Her Mindset Workshop), Stacey Coleman, explained the stage would be set up like her living room with the two of us just chatting about stuff as if we were actually at her home. Sounds great! I love all of this.
We would have some questions before the event to think about and prepare for the talk. Again, love this.
Each speaker would have 20 minutes approximately on the stage with Stacey. LOVE.
I can do this. It's helping people and we all know I love to help people. This is going to be awesome and I can't wait to speak in front of a crowd. In fact, one of my goals in 2024 was to do a public speaking gig. Still loving it all. This is right up Wendy 2.0's alley! I'm super proud of myself and I'm going to do great!
Wendy 1.0 coming in hot................uninvited.
"You're not going to be able to answer the questions, your mind will go blank and you'll look like an idiot. I know you. You don't have a story and nobody is going to relate to you. Everyone else on the speaking panel has done way more than you and everyone in the crowd will know it and wonder why you're even there. Everyone else on the speaking panel is super successful and you're not. You have a regular job and what you have to say is not as important. You're older and are just figuring stuff out. These guys are young and have figured it out already. You've done literally nothing. Let them talk, and you should back out."
Wendy 2.0: OMG are we doing this AGAIN? Goes to the mirror and turns on the brightest light, looks at herself in the face and says:
"You are beautiful inside and out. You have every right to be here speaking about your story and you will impact at LEAST one person in the room at the event when you speak. Cut the shit. You're amazing and you are going to be great. Believe it."
I go back to my regularly scheduled life and repeat every day when I wake up (not in the mirror, but in my head):
You're fine. Everything is fine. I've done all this work and I believe in myself and I'm doing this and whatever happens happens. I could fail, but even if I fail, I will grow for doing it. You have gotten responses from so many people who relate to your blogs and you will be talking about the same things in your blogs. Everything has been positive, so there is nothing to back up your intrusive, negative thoughts. What your thoughts are telling you is not true. Repeat after me, nothing is going to get you down today. Today is a great day! You are amazing and you are going to be great at the event!
In the meantime, I was obsessing over the questions and memorizing what I was going to say one day, and the next telling myself to just chill out and have a conversation with your friend Stacey as if you were in her living room. NO big deal. Then writing the answers down to the questions and reading them over and over. Chill. It's not that serious. Relax.
This went on for a couple weeks.
About a week before the event, Stacey organized a meet up for the speakers to meet and talk. It was unbelievable! We all met for coffee and told a bit about our story to each other. I had an instant connection with each and every woman at the meeting! I left there (as did all of us) feeling like we could do anything and like we could conquer the world! It was an amazing experience. I knew right then and there that I was meant to be at this event speaking and these were my people! I felt like nothing could get me down and the event was going to be empowering and impactful without a doubt! The excitement was growing to ridiculous levels! We even talked about meeting up on the regular to chat and just be around each other because of our newly found connection and instant friendships. We were all in.
It was time for the event!
A couple things to mention...........there were going to be approximately 200 people there! I was the last speaker. OH EM GEE! I was so nervous again and felt like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs!
I got there a bit early of course so I could get a feel. Stacey and Jesse were there setting up and getting everything ready for the big night. I got to sit on stage with Stacey and test the mics. I felt like this big scary thing was not so bad, and I could do this.
Stacey encouraged us to wear what we were most comfortable in with no dress code. I decided to wear my favorite t-shirt that says "Be Kind", a pair of jeans and a pair of sparkly/glittery high top Chuck Taylors with rose gold trim! If you know me, you know that's about as authentic as I get. The BE KIND is a reminder to myself to be kind to myself, by the way. If you've read my blogs, you know it's an everyday struggle and reminder to be kind to myself. I'm getting better at it.
People start arriving and I'm taken aback by some of the guests. There are people from my former places of employment, my high school friends, people I've known over the years that I haven't seen in years and years and just so many special people! I'm humbled and in awe. Have I made such an impact to these people? Ain't no way.
As I sit though all the speakers and hear their stories, I realize I AM there for a reason and I have a message also. My message is important and needs to be heard. I'm surrounded by people that love me and came to hear what I have to say. My best friend Kathryn is sitting at my table and so is my love, Bob. I'm so lucky to have this opportunity and to have the people I love supporting me.
That sounds so nice! Although it's true, I'm actually shitting my pants, sweating, and I can't speak or think clearly while waiting for my turn. I'm a WRECK. Please nobody talk to me or ask me anything. I need to go over my notes! I've forgotten everything I'm going to say! I have to pee. I'm going to puke. UGH!!!!
I'm being introduced! My body gets up from the table on it's own and walks up on the stage and sits down calmly with Stacey to talk. The next thing I know........it's over.
Did I do well? Did I say ANYTHING I wanted to say? I joked around too much! WTF just happened? Suddenly, we're having a dance party at my own urging, people are hugging me, my friends are telling me I did an awesome job. Okay, I did it!!! Phew!
We wrap it up after one more surprise speaker and after many more hugs, we leave the event. I'm feeling empowered, inspired, proud, questioning if I did well, had I made an impact, and just emotional.
I'm in my own vehicle and I'm alone for the ride home. I cry all the way home. Not because I was sad. Because I was proud of myself, I knew I had made an impact just like everyone else that spoke, all the worrying was over, the nervousness I had been dealing with was in the past and I just felt like releasing all the energy.
After the event I received so much positive feedback, nice messages, texts, inquires about the book I had mentioned that was life changing to me (Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima), and overall just a great feeling about what I had done, and the message I shared at this event. I was so grateful to Stacey for giving me the opportunity to tell my story and for allowing me to be part of this amazing event! Not to mention I had met some amazing women that I have not seen the last of yet!
The experience was a 10/10 and I would recommend it to anyone who has the opportunity to do it! I'm hoping to speak again in front of a crowd and to continue to be impactful with my story and my message.
I also think this blog is stupid and I'm over it BIG TIME. See ya! 😂😂😂😂
"Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it." - Judy Blume
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