My name is Wendy. I'll be your bus driver for the day. Keep your feet and hands out of the aisles and stay seated.
The bus I'm driving isn't taking kids to school or people to work, or the mall or anything. In fact it's not taking me or anyone else anywhere worth going. It's the Struggle Bus. It's taking me and anyone else on it to the land of overthinking. This is not a vacation and it is not a trip to a show.
This bus isn't playing T-Swizz on the radio. What it's playing is thoughts over and over in your head and most of them are made up stories you've created that are not even true!
OMG they haven't replied to my text, they're probably mad at me. Does he even love me anymore? My butt looks yucky in these jeans. They looked at me funny - they probably hate me. I drank a bit too much last night-I wonder if I said anything to offend or annoy anyone? That dog acted like he didn't like me - did I do something to cause it? Someone says something to you in a tone and you perseverate on it all day thinking you did something to cause it. Are my nails too long? Did I talk too much? I made a mistake at work today and I'm probably getting fired. I feel like my boyfriend is going to break up with me. Why didn't I get that promotion? Probably because.......and we make something up in our head. You child does something wrong or makes bad decisions and you find yourself taking it all on and thinking you caused it and must have done something wrong or been a shitty parent. And the list goes on and on..............
and on and on.
We do something, hear something, experience something and then punch ourselves repeatedly in the face with the "coulda shoulda woulda". How about I think of everything I've ever done and find issue with it. Or let me just question EVERYTHING all the time.
Over thinking can cause stress, anxiety, depression, insomnia, relationship strains and just over all trouble.
The first step is to realize you're doing it. Then keep recognizing it.
Then there's the willingness to make a change. Am I willing?
There are many ways you can try to redirect your thoughts, but the key is to realize you're doing it and wanting to stop it or at least decrease the amount of time you waste on it.
Nobody has all the answers here. You have to decide what works for you. It's a never ending process, but it does decrease and gets better if you work at it and have the desire to want to change it. I for one, get frustrated with myself when I overthink. I know I'm doing it. Now I practice getting rid of it which helps me gain control of it.
Ways I've been able to combat overthinking are as follows: (but I still do it)
1. Counting/Meditation - take a moment and inhale for 7-8 seconds, hold for 7-8 seconds and then exhale for 7-8 second. Do that repeatedly until you've forgotten about thinking and are just counting. When you lose count and find your mind wandering again, start over breathing and counting until you feel less anxious and in better control of your thoughts. I use that one a lot because nobody knows you're doing it and you can do it in the car and at a game or at your desk etc.
2. Call yourself out. Question your thoughts. Does this make sense? Is there any evidence to back up the stories you are creating in your head? Tell yourself to cut the shit. Leave it there and don't take it with you in future thoughts. If you bring it up in your head again, repeat. Keep repeating until suddenly it's not coming up anymore because your brain knows you're not accepting it.
3. Write in a journal or notebook. Sometimes writing it down allows you to see your thoughts on paper in front of you and now you can see how ridiculous some of them are. It also helps to get it out. One of my favorite lines in a song is "if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to". Brilliant!!! The song is called "Breathe" by Anna Nalick. You're welcome. Epic song.
4. Practice gratitude every day. Think positively. Be kind. Help others. In fact, kill them with kindness. I received a prompted journal for Christmas from a special young lady and its called "The 5 Minute Journal". It says "Start and End Your Day With Mindfulness". You write in it in the morning and evening. It has prompts like this:
This morning I am grateful for:
Something I can achieve today is:
Something I can do today that relaxes me:
My intention for today is:
How mindful do you feel you were today and what can you do tomorrow to be even a little bit more mindful?
What are you feeling most grateful for tonight?
What do you want your intention to be for tomorrow?
I don't know if you all know this, but I'm an FBI agent on the side! haha. So you can be one too by getting investigative with your thoughts. Get the bottom of them. Lay out the facts. Do they make sense? If there isn't enough evidence to back up that fake story you are telling yourself, get rid of it.
Honestly, the person that didn't reply to your text is probably busy. If not, oh well. I like me so who cares if he/she doesn't.
If he or she doesn't love you anymore, there's not much you can do about it. And you shouldn't be seeking validation from outside sources anyway. Love yourself and let that be enough.
Chances are, you butt looks awesome in those jeans and someone agrees! If not, it's a butt, don't obsess over it. Poop comes out of it.
If someone gives you a look, smile and move on. Maybe they are having a bad day. If you didn't do anything, it's not you. Keep trucking along. Leave that right where it began.
If you drank too much and feel you said something or did something to offend or annoy someone, find the facts. What did you do or say to offend or annoy? If you can't come up with something, you likely didn't do that. Ask a friend that was there. Figure out if you have any right to be doing this to yourself.
As for the dog..........just stop. It's definitely you, not the dog! The dog did nothing so just stop it!
Wear your nails the way you want.
Talk as much as you want.
Your child's decisions are not your decisions. Especially when they are old enough to be on their own, fight for the country or buy tobacco/alcohol. Give them guidance and support them as much as you can. They may do things and make decisions you wish they didn't, but hopefully they will grow and learn from them. People have had multiple kids and raised them the same, and in the same environment, but one fucks up and the other's don't. It's a mystery. All you can hope for is they learn from it.
When you do the work and you begin to catch yourself and redirect yourself and control your thoughts, you begin to win! Controlling your thoughts is the ultimate prize and one of the secrets to living a better life. Change is possible with the right strategies and mindset. Practice practice practice.
Oops, here's my stop! Time to get off this bus!
YOU'VE GOT THIS!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!
"I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsession' bout somebody else is no fun......." -Taylor Swift
