Did you know it's okay to let people be who they want to be and do what they want to do even if you don't agree with it? (yes, there is a bit of sarcasm there)
I bet you don't realize just how much wasted energy you mays spend on trying to control other people. You probably don't know you're doing it actually. Believe me, you are the only person suffering. You simply can't force your expectations onto others.
You find out your friends have made plans without you. You feel hurt. You start perseverating on it and wondering why you didn't get invited. You WANTED to be invited. Everyone wants to be invited. Guess what? You're not going to be invited to everything. Suck it up.
You think your child should go to college, but they don't want to. They want to get a job or go to a trade school instead. But everyone in your family went to college and you think your child should too. I can think of a million scenarios about your children that would fit in the category and some that don't. Your child is an individual and at some point will make their own decisions. Support them. Let them fuck up. Let them figure it out. They may surprise you!
You really like someone and think you'd be a good match to date, but they don't want to date you or maybe they just don't want a relationship right now. So be it. It's not about you.
Someone is talking very loudly on the phone in a public place where everyone is in close quarters. You're completely annoyed or angry about it because you think it's rude. Perhaps it is, but what can you do about it? Frankly I'd listen quietly to the conversation. Let this guy be a total tool bag. Who cares? Don't let it affect your mood or vibe.
The moment you allow people to be who they are and do what they want to do is the day you find a lot more peace. Let the friends go do something without you, let your young adult decide what they want to do and learn from it. Let them fail. Let them succeed. Let the person talk loudly on the phone in public. Let the person that doesn't want to date you go. See yeeerrrrrrrrrr! You can't make people match your expectations so stop trying and wasting your time and energy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if you can't control it, let it be. It likely has nothing to do with you so don't make it about you.
Have you heard of the "Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins that went viral with 20 million views and 1.5 million likes not to mention the thousands of comments? It works.
When I listened to the Mel Robbins podcast about the "Let Them" theory, I knew I had made progress in my life. I'm not perfect, but I can truly say I practice the "let them" on a regular basis and didn't know about this theory officially. I was proud to say that I found a way to have this mindset without seeing the viral video and before I knew who Mel Robbins was or listened to the podcast.
She calls this need to control and have people match your expectations a form of anxiety. So I've been working on, and succeeding at, decreasing my anxiety without really knowing it. I just accepted and practiced the idea of letting everyone be who they want and do what they want. You can control who you are and what you do. You can control how you react to the actions of others. You can control how much you want people in your life or if you want them in your life at all.
Letting people be who they are will allow you to see exactly who they are and then you get to decide where to go from there. This is true in love relationships too. Let the person you are dating be exactly who they are and encourage them to do so. Then you get to decide if you can handle it or if you feel you are compatible. If you like everything about them (the good, bad and ugly) it might be true love!
I've also learned along the way......I should be exactly who I am at all times. If I'm not, I'm doing people a disservice. I'm making it hard for them to know the real me. People can't make a decision about me if they don't see the real me. If they decide I'm too much or my hair is too bushy, well, so be it. I am who I am! haha.
When you try to make someone they're not and expect certain things or behavior from them, you're headed for disappointment and frustration.
Everyone wants a peaceful easy feeling. (any excuse to inject The Eagles in there)
Bottom line is.....when you're in the situation, ask yourself "does any of this shit really affect me"? "In the big picture, is this going to change my life?" No, it's not. Let it go and let those fuckers be.
You do YOU Boo! ❤️
"It's not the big moves that that change everything--it's the smallest ones in your everyday life that do" -Mel Robbins
